always be honest, except for when you lie

Friday, October 22, 2004

send us the card or we'll break your kneecaps

A while back I got a letter in the mail from my gym. The letter said, and I'm quoting directly here, that my membership was about to end in the near future (no specific date mentioned) and should I not wish to continue on with the club beyond this unknown date I should return my membership card in the mail as per the membership agreement I signed without reading because what? It's not like I was signing a Friendship Agreement with George Dubya Bush and wanting to read the fine print. It was a gym memebrship and I felt fairly secure that there wouldn't be anything too weird going on.

So letter received, considered briefly and filed with all other such documents in an organized fashion on the kitchen table behind my laptop with stickers and important receipts from Wendy's and the like.

I intended to send the card for fear they would keep taking money from my account for the membership I no longer wanted (I plan to do pilates at home if you must know) much in the same way I always mean to pay the Visa bill on time. Life doesn't always leave room for every cotton pickin' detail and some things go undone. I think of it from time to time with pangs of guilt because I did, after all, sign the agreement in which I did agree to mail their card back to them and really since I did do that I should follow through, should I not?

Except for the fact that it's stupid. It's a crappy little card with a hand written number on it and no picture or anything. I don't even know where it is, to be totally honest. Ok, I do know where it is (behind the black and white picture of my dad on the antique sewing table just inside the front door of my house) but they don't have to know that. What, if I lost the card and then they sent me the letter I wouldn't ever be able to end my membership for not having a card to mail back to them? And what if I drop it off in person? What about that? Why should I lose the cost of a stamp over this anyway? Damn, I wish I'd kept the membership agreement so I could look all this up and see just where I stand. Maybe it's in this pile here behind my laptop...?

Frankly I'm feeling a little put off by it all and now that I think about it I'm not going to send them a damned thing and even if they were the last gym in town - no, on the planet - I would never join again. I'm a busy person (I am so!) and asking me to mail them a card when our contract has expired either way is taking things just one step too far. So they can make all the threats they want but the card is staying with me. I think I'll frame it and give it a name like Susan or Kurt. Not Jim though because that's silly.