always be honest, except for when you lie

Thursday, November 18, 2004


Every time Husband and I return from Wherever we are loath to take off our jackets and get the children settled in of doors before we race to our respective computers to check the net. For me it's the blogs or my email, for him it's the message board for his work stuff or gaming sites. We're mental for it and I wonder how we survived before it was invented. I can't even spell without the internet. Dictionary dot com is my best friend.

Consider the following scenario from approximately 10 years ago:

Husband and I return from our respective jobs at approximately 430pm on a Tuesday afternoon. We enter our two bedroom hardwood floor walk-up apartment to the welcoming aroma of our neighbours existence seeping through the floors, walls and under the front door. A mixture of cigarette smoke, onions boiled in salty water and something remarkably similar to scorched human hair dipped in a vat of Channel No.5. We are beaten and downtrodden by the reality that is our daily struggle. There is little to look forward to yet we muscle on, grasping at what little joy we can find.

We turn on Episode One of The Simpsons while enjoying a snack of chips and iced tea.

We sigh.

We change channel to Repeat Episode of Seinfeld and discuss our options for dinner.

We order pizza.

We change channel to Epsiode Two of The Simpsons and wait for pizza.

Pizza arrives.

We change channel to Episode Three Of The Simpsons and contemplate killing one another for a change of scene.

We eat pizza and I vow we will never watch The Simpsons again.

Wednesday, Scenario Repeats.

I know what you're thinking. My God That Sucks. Could it have been that bad? Could anything have been so awful? Did these people not own books? Were they not able to find some other thing to do? I tell you this, no. They were not. We were not. Life was sad and lonely and desperate. The sun did not shine, the food was bland and our brains were utter mush.

But no more! Consider a recent Tuesday. The day dawns, a blue sky greets our happy little family and we rejoice at being alive. We hug our Lovely Smelling Children and send them off to play gleefully in their room while we Mommy and Daddy share an embrace all our own. We lay thusly for a full 18 seconds before Lovely Smelling Children return to hop hop hop back into our bed a grin from ear to ear with gratitude for being alive at such an historical time in history. We then spring from the bed, apply slippers to our feet and fluffy robes to our bodies and bound down the stairs as though it were Christmas Morning. For downstairs there is the great and glorious Internet waiting for us with open and non-Simpson like arms! It is Quick! Smart! Funny! Intelligent! which is not exactly the same as smart and it is also Resourseful! but not in that dry Encyclodpedia Britannica way. Oh No! This Internet business is like nothing before and we are shamelessly addicted to it. Take my food, take my blankie and pillow but please don't ever take my Precious Internet. I am a better woman for the Internet and I'd like to publicly praise it's inventor, Samuel J Interneticus for having the I Don't Know What Kind Of Smartskidoodles to come up with something so danged cool. Thanks, Sammy!

No More Simpsons!