always be honest, except for when you lie

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

7 things that are true

Scrambled eggs made for someone else taste way better than scrambled eggs I make for me.

Chocolate chips eaten by the handful between the hours of 1am and 5am will not make you gain weight.

Food eaten off of the plate of one's spouse cannot make you gain weight.

Wanting a child to go to bed very very badly will cause that child to be up until midnight.

Renting movies to watch after the kids go to bed will make kids stay up hours past their bed time (even talking about renting movies can cause this phenomenon to go into effect).

Claiming that you will never drink again after a night and/or morning of barfing your face off will last precisely 5 months and 14 days if you are between the ages of 29 and 35 when the event took place.

Asking a dog to stop barking, whether sweetly or with great volume and anger, will not ever cause a dog to stop barking for any length of time valued by its owner.