welcome to a portal, a portal to a wonderful land
This website was moved here a while back but because of blogger being so stupid with their comment function a lot of you are ending up here after reading whatever brilliant comment I've left wherever. Google/Blogger, poorly done, that function. Still, this is now a portal! It carries you elsewhere. Please select from one of my two websites (or, how about, both!): honestyrain and interskew.
honestyrain: reluctant mommyblogging and general commentary from a Canadian writer who has been called both funny and damned well hysterical. Not in a crazy person way. More in the funny way. So, alright, that was redundant.
What people are saying about honestyrain:
Once wrote a ltter to snot. What's not funny about that?
Brilliant!
Really Funny!
Hysterically Funny!
Remember the Undergarment Obsession? Why doesn't she do that bit again?
or, how about checking out interskew: Imaginary Interviews with A List celebrities (as well as some not so A list, even if they think they are).
What actual people are saying about interskew:
yay! interskew! more more more!
I love your new site! Looking forward to more, as always!
yay! fabricated interview! Do more!
What a fabulous idea! I’ll send you some people. I LOVE these interviews. Are you taking requests?
This is brilliant!
So come check me out either here or there, please come check me out anywhere.
Labels: honestyrain, interskew
i've moved
you can now find me at http://honestyrain.com
you will come see me there, won't you? i'd like it very much if you would.
new new new
Will you join me at the new site?
honestyrain
Farewell Blogger, Old Friend.
ps, I tried to transfer my blogger files over to the new place today without success but I will do so soon. I'm just learning. Be patient with me.
pps, if you are using Internet Explorer you will not be able to see my lovely masthead at the new site. For some reason it does not load at all on IE. No idea why. No idea what to do about it. Sorry!
give it to me straight, doc
Earlier I went into the play room in our basement to play with my kids. I combed hair, drove dinky cars, broke up spats and worked at the long standing issue of whether a Weeble will in fact ever fall down during the act of wobbling. Answer: no, not ever.
I also played Patient to my three and a half year old son's Doctor. Had my heart listened to: excellent thump thump thumping. My reflexes checked: seventeen different parts of my body reflected appropriate ouches! and heys! Had my blood pressure checked: not good news, signs of illness. I required bandaging and rather major surgery on my right leg, upper front panel. There were crutches involved.
Tell me, Doc, what's wrong with me? Will I live?
Nope. You got Chicken Pops.
Oh No! You better give me a hug! (I grab the doctor and hug him for being so cute)
No! Don't! You'll make me sick!
(I let go of my doctor, convinced that he is cuter than ever).
Back to the exam and further discoveries. Among them: my hair needs cutting and further surgery is required. It is not likely I iwll survive until my more than brilliant doctor pulls me from the brink, same like he did last week.
The guy really has the goods, doctor-wise.
Plus he's a really great son.
Bonus.
when the nieces come, trick them into babysitting
My brother is looking after my sister's kids while my sister and her husband are away on a relationship retreat at a local hotel. Yes, really, that's where they are. Hush.
Being that my brother is a single sort of guy and does not have children he knows not what to do with two girls all weekend. Therefore he has brought them to my house for the day. A visit. You know.
An opportunity too.
My neices are twelve and eight. The twelve year old is very good at looking after my three and one year olds and the eight year old is excellent at playing with the three year old. Those two are thick as thieves I tell ya.
Why wouldn't it occur to me that this is just the perfect set up for an hour to myself?
Yes, I've shuffled them off into the basement to play and make merry. While I sit here and enjoy all of you. Even YOU are going to benefit from my diabolical ways. I will be able to visit a few of your blogs before I am needed again. The excitement is almost more than I or you can handle.
You're excited. Don't pretend you're not.
Now let me be so I can go do this stuff because there is no way I've got long.
conversation
A few weeks ago I came home from the gym, happy with my workout. I shared this pleasure with my husband.
Me: I did 170 on leg press today.
Him: 170?
Me: Yep.
Him: I thought you were doing 410 before you had Super Boy.
Me: Well yeah.
Him: I weigh more than 170. You're not even lifting me.
Me: No.
Him: Hmmm.
Me: Fuck off.
There's nothing like a kick in the What You Used To Do Pants to get you going. Yesterday I did 210. Next week 250. Tell me, will he?
Granny up.
basic cleanliness is basic so do it
I was assistant teacher at my son's preschool last week...or the week before...whatever...and during snack time I was disgusted to discover that some mothers and or fathers are not the cleanliest sort of people.
One child's lunch bag had actual mold growing inside of it. Actual green yucky poopy mold. MOLD, I'm saying. The kind of wet icky mold that has grown from the thing never having been wiped after little spills of this substance and that. I had to watch this poor boy take from this Spongebob Squarepants Lunch Kit one container of crackers and one container of cheese, plus one empty cup into which I put a half serving of milk. Half serving because if you give three and four year olds a full cup of milk you will be there a full hour waiting for them to drink it.
I grant you that the child's snack was encased in sealed plastic containers and I grant you that they were not touching the mold. For some reason this makes almost no dent in my disgust. I pitied the boy.
If you are such a parent I want to say outright that I know you get busy and forget the little things like wiping out a lunch bag but please, take this opportunity. Feel the humiliation that is your child's moldy lunch kit in the anonymity that is The Internet and once you have recovered from it go and wash each and every thing in your house that might A) contain food at some point and B) be at risk of growing mold. Green yucky ickpoo mold, as I've said.
I cannot believe I let any child eat something that spent time in such a filthy environment. It will be many years before the guilt subsides, to be sure. If it were my child I'd have ripped the snacks from his cute little fists and thrown them at the trash can as though dealing with biohazardous waste.
Hazmat would have been called in.
I mean really.
dear american government, please improve your economy
My husband is a freelance artist who works for companies in Los Angeles, New York and Paris. He gets paid in both US dollars and Euros. Was a time when this system worked out very well for us. Very very well indeed.
We used to get $1.60 Canadian for every American dollar he got paid.
You can do the math there. That's a nice bonus for living in the greatest country in the world.
(Calm down. Everyone thinks their country is the bestest country in the world.)
Since Mr. Bush came into (and I use this next term loosely) power the American dollar has been in a steady and certain downward spiral. The last time I took a cheque in to be cashed we got $1.17 Canadian for each American dollar. Big difference, yes?
Now I admit to having been hopeful back at election time that Mr. Bush would go the way of his dad before him. Not only because it would benefit my pocketbook, mind you. I, along with the Blue States, have been learning to accept that he's still here and will be for some time. I just can't help thinking that an improved US economy would benefit not only ME but also the General US Population. No?
Therefore I humbly request that the US Government put forward some sort of action to improve the overall economy and more specifically the strength of the American Dollar. I'd be forever grateful. If you don't mind. I mean, you know, if you're not too busy.
Thanks! Awesome. Knew I could count on you. Now let's get back to that $1.60 on the dollar, ok? Gosh that'd be great. It'd make taking several vacations a year far easier. Not to mention the bags and bags diapers I have to buy and the dog food and the internet web hosting and the three thousand bananas, fifty apples and twelve bushels of grapes my kids consume daily....
Life is expensive you know.
