always be honest, except for when you lie

Saturday, October 30, 2004

brain broken, need sleep, send sleep

The last time I slept - I mean really slept - was in 1974. Ok, not really but it has been a while. As in years. It has been years since I slept really really well. I know it's boring to be a mom whining about how she is overworked and tired and always tripping over toys but dammit it's all true. That and so much more.

Thing is, I used to have a brain and I'm not saying I always used it but I had the option. Any time, day or night, I could stop and think if the fancy took me. I could add up a short list of numbers without blowing a gasket. I could read and understand paragraphs at a time. These days I need a calculator to add two numbers and someone to remind me how a calculator works. And reading. Did you know that it is damned near impossible to digest anything read in fits and spurts? A half sentence at a time just isn't gonna get War And Peace finished and understood. And writing, forget about it. It has taken me four days to write the above two paragraphs.

So now I am either dumb or a little flakey but cute. And we all know I'm getting a little old to pull off cute and flakey without seeming utterly ridiculous. Which leaves dumb. Which ain't good.

I think I can get it back though, my ability to compute basic information. Maybe even more than that. Maybe some day I will be smart again (and I really think I may have been just a little). But it's got to start with sleep. Hours and hours of it uninterrupted. It'll take years to recover but I think it can be done. Only think of the brilliance I'll be able to share with you all then!

For now though I will plug along in the fog I've come to think of as entirely normal and endeavour to read when I can, write when I can and mathematicalisize as often as possible. I hear crosswords are good exercise for the brain. Anyone have a copy of the New York Times? If I get started now I can have this week's puzzle done by my next birthday. If I work at it non stop, of course.