always be honest, except for when you lie

Monday, November 08, 2004

crooked things

I am the sort of person who does not like for things to be crooked. In summer I am deeply concerned with the straightening of patio furniture and cannot enjoy myself if there is a flower planter misaligned. Imagine the fun one's spouse can have toying with one's crooked obsession.

Husband: I'm just going to move this chair here by only one little inch to drive you absolutely mad.
Me: Noooooo, don't!!!
Husband: And then I will race over here and turn this planter so that it does not line up with the corner of the patio at all but is not so far off that it's lack of symmetry creates a different kind of symmetry that you can live with. Haha!
Me: Noooooo, please don't!
Husband: You can't stop me!

It makes for all kind of merriment, as you see.

I admit to enjoying the perfection of a well placed chair or shower curtain hanging so that either side is at the same distance from the wall and it's bottom hanging at the same level along the length of the tub. Some might call it Obsessive Compulsive but I say poppycock. So I iron my teatowels. Doesn't everyone?

I've wondered where this love of symmetry comes from. Actually, I just wondered it a moment ago for the first time ever but now that I have I'll hazard a guess. When I was a kid I had a lazy eye which means that one of my eyes wandered and I was sometimes called crooked eyes by my (very mean and not beaten nearly enough) brothers. I have psychoanalyzed myself in just the past two and a half minutes and I suspect my desire for straight eyes has crossed over into the remainder of my life in other ways. Oh the pun of using the word 'crossed' just then. There is no escaping the connection.

Whatever the origin I am a contented lover of all things properly aligned and will never change my ways. I am happiest when each of my dining room chairs is tucked beneath the table at the same rate of tuckedness. Don't even get me started on the making of a bed. A well made bed is ecstasy. An unmade bed can be ecstasy too but that's a different topic for a differnt day.

If you'll excuse me now I have some blinds to straighten a coffee table that needs to be positioned so that it lines up with the pattern on the area rug....