always be honest, except for when you lie

Monday, November 08, 2004

judge me not

Until September of this year I was by all accounts the World's Most Perfect Mom. My Child, my Boy, was the best behaved, smartest, nicest and most gentle child ever to be issued forth into the world and I, by association, shined in the glow of his Being. People everywhere said, my goodness, what an excellent child. What a superior mother to have reared such an amazing person.

And he is, don't get me wrong.

Or was. Enter Mrs. Teacher Lady of the Montessori School of Making Mommy See The Error Of Her Ways. Mrs. Teacher Lady is a good and decent God fearing woman who has an unnatural ability to control a room of three and four year olds in a stern but loving way whereby rendering the parents of said three and four year olds incompetent and foolish by comparison. My once flawless child is now better than ever at her hand which must, you see, give mommy pause. Make mommy think. Leave mommy wondering if perhaps there have been aspects of her parenting that were wanting. Wanting what, mommy does not know, cannot say, but the wondering remains. The self doubt seeps deeper and deeper into her bones, leaving an ache so desperate that mommy can't sleep at night.

Wait. Hold on. No. Nothing that dramatic. For heaven's sake. Take a deep breath. It's not that serious. Sheesh.

Let me give you a for instance. The line up. Every day we, parents and children, line up outside the classroom until Mrs. Teacher Lady opens the door. Any fool can imagine a hallway full of preschoolers and see that this would be no church service festival of silence. And yet, it ought to be. According to the dellusional Mrs. Teacher Lady. We all know it's impossible to expect them to line up, single file, speak to no one and breathe only when absolutely necessary yet she insists it's the opposite of impossible. She thinks it's totally possible. When we mere parents fail to make it so there is nothing left to assume but that we have failed and will continue to fail until our children are criminals and grown up talker backers.

My Son, dear boy, loves school but insists on a daily basis that he would prefer there be no rules and would I please speak to Mrs. Teacher Lady on his behalf in this regard. It is all I can do to keep from admitting that mommy is no longer the one in charge. I lost all power the day I dropped him there by being so far less able at managing my own child than a complete stranger. The only thing I can do is bone up on my parenting books (I have none) and mind Mrs. Teacher Lady myself. I'll never be Perfect Mom again, but there's still hope that I can rise up from the ashes of our rude awakening.

And I don't think there is anything wrong with a child screaming for more candy right now in the middle of walmart while refusing to put his pants back on because a) candy is good and b) they could afford to turn the damned heat down in that store. Mrs. Teacher Lady can't argue with that.