always be honest, except for when you lie

Thursday, November 25, 2004

water proof mittens and who the hell cares

I remember having water proof mitts as a kid. You know the ones I'm talking about. Those miserable Anti Movement Devices. Can't bend 'em, cant grab onto a thing, not even glue. Sure your hands were dry as The Sahara but all you could do was stand there like the village idiot, hands stiff as a board. You'd watch your friends, whose mothers had somehow missed the Waterproof Bandwagon, making snowballs, buidling forts from blocks of ice and snow. While you, toasty and dry, cried icicle tears for not being able to join in. Yeah, you'd try. You'd stick your pathetic mittened hands into a pile of highly anticipated and worshiped snow only to come up with a few flakes sliding hopelessly back to the ground. Once in a while three or four would manage to grab on and you'd attempt to fashion a ball of snow then throw it at your friend Jenny or Tom. They wouldn't even run. There was no need. The NonSnowball would fly from your hand and float to the ground like feather falling from the sky. It was a sad sad business.


Someone, maybe you, came up with the idea that you could take the mitts off. Aha! Now we're thinking! Off them came and you didn't even try to hide it. You chucked them out in the middle of the yard defiantly, daring anyone to make you put them back on. As if you ever would. Bare hands make better snowballs than anything in the world! Great Glorious Day! A smile returns to the once weepy face of an innocent child.


Damn. No one said it was gonna hurt when the cold set in. Cold burns, ya know, which you wouldn't think until it happens. Now you're crying to your mom and even though she said don't come crying to me she's hugging you all up and warming your Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer colored hands. She'll blow on them, hide them inside of her very warm been in the house this whole time hands and she might even resort to putting them under her arms because that's the warmest place on the human body. And you love your mom so much for not being mad and helping you stop crying and making sure you don't die from your hands freezing off of your body. You promise you'll never take your mitts off again because your mitts are your best friend!