always be honest, except for when you lie

Monday, December 20, 2004

i've decided to take up drinking!

Before you try to talk me out of it, listen. I think it's a really good plan. All the fashionable suburban moms are doing it. A little Bailey's Irish Cream in the morning coffe starts the day just so. Makes life's little squabbles less...vibrant. It dulls them. Or this is what I hypothesize. I don't know for sure yet. I haven't implemented the plan.

Let me tell you why I've cooked up this little coping scheme.

Today Boy Child said the following three hundred and eighty seven times: mommy may I play on your 'puter?

Six thousand four hundred and seven: you play with me?

Three milion forty two...no, make that forty three, forty four...ok, it's a running tally: mommy may I watch TV?


Baby girl squaked and screeched seven out of twelve hours.

She said mama (at varying octaves) three thousand and eight times.

I believe alcohol will make that seem more endearing than is currently the case.

Don't mistake me. I'm happy. I like what I do. Sitting here being poked all day. I'm just thinking that maybe a little booze will make me more of a smiley mom. Instead of this horrid beast who does not let her children watch tv forty hours a day. Think how much fun it would be for the whole entire family!

Ok, I can see your face. You're judging me. Harshly too. That's so not fair. You don't think this is a good plan? You don't think I should become a morning drunk? Well hellfire. I really thought you'd be on board. Thought you'd come by for a cocktail 'round 9am. No?

Sure, I'll admit there are downsides. Like the fact that it'll make me something of a loser. Alright, I'll grant you that. Still, don't you think the upside (happy shiney mommy) is worth the risk of becoming a complete and utter failure as a human being?



You're giving me pause. I am beginning to see flaws in the great Becoming a Daytime Drunk Plan. I have to confess, I wasn't all that sure about it to begin with. I just thought. Well, I was only thinking. You know.

But nevermind! You've convinced me. You have a very persuasive way about you, you know that? You pulled me from the brink, you did! How good you must feel. Whew. Thanks!

Better go come up with a new plan. I'm thinking maybe chocolate. You know, all day chocolate. I'll let you know what I decide. You can tell me what you think. I value your thoughts.