always be honest, except for when you lie

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

hey santa, it's me, i think i'm ready yo

Hi Santa. I think I finally know what I want. I thought I'd call, what with being so late. Got a pen? Ok, go get one. I'll wait.

(tapping fingers as Santa goes to get a pen, humming happy Christmas song)

Ready? No? What do you mean you ain't got no pen? Pretty unorganised, yeah? No no, I'll wait. Go ahead.

(musical interlude of me softly singing Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer)

Yeah? You back? Ok, here it.... What? Oh Come On. You can't be serious. Now don't go blaming Mrs. Claus. It's not her fault. I'm sure she sets you up with new pens and whatnot every morning. You probably took it to the workshop. Go look. I'll hang out. I'll check my email and be right back. What? Oh, ok, yeah. Ill just sit here.

(tapping toe on floor, unimpressed)

Yeah, I'm here. You ready? Um, finally? Oh, good. Ok, I'd like.... What? Sorry, pardon? Who? Elf Number Fourteen had it? Oh yeah? Right. Well no, I don't think he should be fired really. Guy probably just needed a pen, ya know? It happens.

(Santa goes on a cursing spree about Elf Number Fourteen and other Elf related matters)

Geez, I'm really sorry it's that bad. Wow. I had no idea.

(Santa groans)

I don't know what to say. Maybe we should do this another time? Yeah? You sure? I know you're busy. Crazy time of year for you.

(nervous laughter from me, sobbing sounds at his end, sniffles)

Ahem. Well. Yeah, no, I'm ready. It seems kind of silly now. My list. My wants. With you being all, you know. Messed up or whatever. But ok. If you're sure. I'd like an ipod. Mini. I'm thinking white but surprise me.


What? Yeah I know they're not cheap. So? You got a spending limit or something? Oh. Oh. I didn't know. Cutbacks you say? Well then. Gosh, this has gone to hell. I really just wanted the one thing. No, don't worry about it. A transistor radio sounds perfect. ipods are way overrated anyway. Swear. I'm totally fine. Honest.

(awkward silence)

So. Ok. I guess we'll talk next year then.


Ok. So, bye.