always be honest, except for when you lie

Tuesday, December 07, 2004


If you come over later and go down to the basement be careful. There is a pile of clothes and jackets and shoes at the bottom of the stairs. Don't ask me how they got there. I've never seen them before. And I'm sure as hell not moving them. Ask the maid to do it. The maid quit? She what? Oh God. That's not good. That's not good at all. Who in the hell is gonna clean that shit up? Who? Who?

Now I'm in quite the panic. I had no idea she was quitting. Where did she go?

Bahamas? What! She went to the Bahamas. Well I never. I just never ever.

I guess I'm gonna hafta clean it up. All of it. The shoes too? Where do I put the shoes? The ones that are too small for the kids but are too cute and full of memories to throw away. Did she say what to do with the shoes before she left? And the jackets. The FALL jackets. It's winter now and I can't imagine where I should put the FALL jackets. Fall doesn't come around for at least another year. What am I going to do until then?

Wait, I know. I know what to do. I'll put it all in a box. A see through plastic storage container with a label on the front made with my label maker. It will say Out Of Season Jackets/Vests and Baby Shoes. I will take a photo of one jacket and one pair of shoes and adhere them to the front of the container under the labels. Next I will stack the container with the others just like it.

There are also dirty clohtes heaped in with all that stuff at the bottom of the stairs. I'll wash that. That's easy. There are fifteen...no sixteen...NO seventeen...baskets of laundry waiting for me anyway so I might as well just do it all, right?

And the dishes. And the vacuuming. And Husband says his bathroom is starting to get kind of grungy. She could have cleaned the grungy bathroom before she left on this sudden and ill times escape to The Bahamas, don't you think? Is she ever coming back, by the way?

Oh right. You said she quit. For good? Like forever? As in never coming back?

It's okay. I'll be alright. I can so do this. I can handle it. I'll start with the dishes. There's a pile from dinner next to the sink. Scrape scrape. Run the water. Scrub, scrape. Scrubbbbbbb. Water, soap, soak, scrub, scrape.

You're sure she isn't coming back?

Scrub, scrape.

Absolutely certain?

Scrub scrub scrub.

I mean really really sure?

Scrub Fucking scrub.

Because I'll pay her whatever she wants.

Soap, water, scrub, scrape.

Really. Money is no object.


Because I don't want to do this. SCRAPE SCRAPE. I don't want to clean egg off of a fork. SCRUB SCRUB. Please just call her, tell her we need her. Tell her we will fall apart without her. Beg her. Please.

Can I go with her then?